John Tola

From Shame to Strength: My Bariatric Journey

I never imagined that bariatric surgery would become part of my story. It wasn’t something I was actively seeking out. In fact, my journey began with a routine double hernia surgery—or so I thought. As I lay in recovery, I was hit with unexpected news: "We couldn’t repair it because you’re too big." Those words triggered a wave of shame and embarrassment.

I knew I needed to face the reality of my weight.

That day, everything changed. Bariatric surgery, something I had never considered, was now presented as a lifeline. The more I researched, the more hopeful I became, seeing the surgery as a chance to fix my life. 

Determined to set myself up for success, I began preparing. Despite physical limitations, I exercised as much as I could, knowing I needed to be in the best shape possible for surgery. When the day came, I was ready.

The procedure went ahead, and my life started to shift in ways I couldn’t have anticipated.

The changes weren’t just physical. For the first time in years, I felt a renewed sense of confidence and self-esteem. But as I made progress on the outside, I realized there was more work to do on the inside. My mental and spiritual health had been neglected for too long. Worse, my family had never seen the best version of me. As a husband and father, I hadn’t been fully present. I was always tired, weighed down—not just by my body, but by the shame I carried.

After surgery, my relationship with my family transformed. We grew closer, and I started showing up as the dad and husband they needed me to be. But despite these personal victories, the stigma of weight loss surgery still lingered. I knew people would judge me. I read their comments online, and I saw their judgments in the real world. But I no longer let their opinions hold me back. The only person I had to prove anything to was myself.

I think back to one moment in particular, a day at the beach I skipped with my kids because I couldn’t face being in a bathing suit. The disappointment on their faces haunts me to this day, but it also fuels me.

I know I’ll never go back to being that person again.

One day, after I’d dropped 160 pounds, I was walking with my daughter at an outlet mall. I caught a glimpse of a man in the window reflection and barely recognized him. It was me. I had become so used to seeing the old version of myself that the new one still took me by surprise.

This journey wasn’t easy, but it was worth every challenge. And if my story can inspire even one person who’s feeling stuck, then every struggle I faced has been worthwhile. The road to change is long, but it’s one worth travelling.